By: Dr. Mimi Fatou Ceesay, Journalist/ Psychologist
It is time for African women and men to face the truth. Patterns of dependency, manipulation, and misguidance have been allowed to persist for too long. The male-centered woman who places her identity entirely in chasing after men, the woman-centered man who relies on women for validation, sympathy, or financial support, and all those misled by polygamist or societal pressures must confront the reality of their choices. These patterns harm not only individuals but also families, communities, and the legacy we leave for future generations.
Healing begins with awareness. To be mindful is to observe your thoughts, emotions, and actions without judgment, recognizing where dependency, resentment, or fear drives behavior (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). Forgiveness is central, not as a way to excuse harm, but as a way to release it and reclaim personal power (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015).
As the wounded warrior reminds us: “A wounded warrior who refuses to heal becomes a danger to the village. A healed warrior becomes its protector.”
The difference between being nice and being kind is critical. Being nice seeks approval and can be superficial. Being kind is rooted in integrity, empathy, and courage. Kindness uplifts without expectation, sets healthy boundaries, and transforms relationships (Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, & Schkade, 2005).
In polygamist and complex relational systems, many have been misled into believing that extraction, emotional manipulation, or over-dependence is normal. Healing transforms these destructive patterns into strength. Mindfulness allows for conscious action rather than reaction. Forgiveness opens the door to genuine freedom, and authentic kindness reshapes relationships into partnerships based on respect rather than power.
Daily Affirmations for Accountability and Healing:
1. I face the truth of my actions and take responsibility for my healing.
2. I release resentment and forgive to reclaim my freedom.
3. I act with kindness and integrity, not for approval or gain.
4. I am mindful of my thoughts, words, and choices, creating peace in my life.
5. I honor my history, my village, and my journey with courage and presence.
6. I am committed to building relationships rooted in respect, honesty, and love.
It is time to confront the patterns that harm: male-centered women, woman-centered men, and all who are misled by societal or relational pressures. Healing, mindfulness, forgiveness, and kindness are not signs of weakness; they are marks of courage, leadership, and legacy. African women and men who choose this path become protectors of their families, their communities, and themselves.
The question is not whether you can face the truth, it is whether you will. Step forward. Heal. Forgive. Act with kindness. Transform yourself, and in doing so, you can transform your village.
References:
Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2007). The narcissistic self. Psychology Press.
Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2015). Forgiveness therapy: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156.
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111–131.
Mbiti, J. S. (1990). African religions and philosophy. Heinemann.
