For decades, Africa has searched for answers to poverty, corruption, political instability, gender inequality, and underdevelopment. We have blamed colonialism, foreign governments, weak institutions, and economic hardship. While these factors have undoubtedly shaped the continent’s history, I believe one issue receives far less attention than it deserves: the consequences of raising boys without accountability while raising girls to sacrifice themselves for everyone else. In my view, one of Africa’s greatest obstacles is the unhealed man who has been conditioned to believe that entitlement is leadership, control is masculinity, and accountability belongs to everyone except himself.
This is not an attack on African men. It is a challenge to a system that has failed both men and women. Across many African communities, boys and girls are often socialized very differently. Girls are expected to cook, clean, care for younger siblings, serve their brothers, and prepare themselves for marriage, while boys may receive greater freedom, fewer domestic responsibilities, and more leniency for poor behavior. African feminist scholars have long argued that these unequal expectations are products of socialization rather than biology and can therefore be changed (Mama, 1995; Oyěwùmí, 1997).
Consider the story of Modou and Fatou. Fatou wakes before sunrise every day to sweep the compound, clean the house, prepare breakfast, fetch water, go to the market, and cook lunch. While she works tirelessly, her brother Modou remains asleep. If Fatou accidentally makes enough noise to wake him, their mother immediately scolds her for disturbing him. After lunch, Modou is gently invited to eat, and when he finishes, Fatou clears his dishes and continues working. No one asks whether Fatou has eaten. No one thanks her. No one tells her to rest. Meanwhile, Modou spends much of his day playing football, socializing with friends, or wandering around the neighborhood. If he gets into trouble, many adults excuse his behavior by saying, “Boys will be boys.” Instead of teaching accountability, excuses become his education.
Neither child realizes what is happening, but both are being prepared for adulthood. Fatou is learning that her worth comes from serving others. Modou is learning that women exist to serve him. As adults, Fatou enters marriage believing sacrifice is her responsibility, while Modou enters marriage expecting the same treatment he received throughout childhood. The cycle simply repeats itself from one generation to the next.
This same conditioning frequently appears in marriage. Many wives are expected to serve tirelessly while receiving little appreciation in return. Some husbands demand respect without first demonstrating empathy, kindness, partnership, or emotional maturity. When abuse occurs, society often asks the wife, “What did you do?” instead of asking the husband, “Why did you abuse your wife?” Victim-blaming has become so normalized in many communities that accountability is shifted away from the person responsible for causing harm. Studies across sub-Saharan Africa have shown that patriarchal gender norms and unequal power relationships contribute to the acceptance and normalization of violence against women, particularly where social expectations discourage women from challenging abuse (Gqola, 2015; Mama, 1995).
In many communities, culture is invoked to justify unequal treatment, and religious teachings may be interpreted in ways that reinforce male authority while minimizing women’s dignity and rights. It is important to distinguish between faith itself and the ways human beings sometimes use culture or selective interpretations of religion to maintain unequal power. Genuine faith should encourage justice, compassion, accountability, and mutual respect rather than fear, intimidation, or oppression.
Healing has therefore become one of Africa’s greatest needs. An emotionally unhealed man who lacks self-awareness, empathy, accountability, and emotional regulation often carries unresolved childhood conditioning into every area of his life. His marriage suffers. His children suffer. His workplace suffers. His community suffers. Leadership without emotional maturity often becomes control. Authority without accountability becomes oppression. Research on masculinities in African contexts suggests that rigid gender norms can discourage emotional vulnerability while reinforcing dominance and unequal power dynamics (Ratele, 2013).
The consequences extend beyond the family. Children raised with entitlement frequently become adults who expect privilege without responsibility. When leadership is understood as being served rather than serving others, corruption becomes easier to justify, public trust declines, and institutions weaken. A nation cannot consistently produce ethical leaders if its homes fail to teach humility, empathy, discipline, and accountability.
The cycle can be broken, but only if we are willing to raise boys and girls differently. Boys should be taught to cook, clean, care for younger siblings, respect women, communicate their emotions, and accept responsibility for their actions. Domestic responsibilities should never be viewed as feminine tasks but as essential life skills that prepare every child for adulthood. At the same time, girls deserve opportunities to rest, pursue education, develop leadership skills, build financial independence, and grow without carrying the burden of serving everyone around them. When both boys and girls are raised with dignity, responsibility, and mutual respect, they become adults capable of building healthier marriages, stronger families, and more just societies.
Africa does not need another generation of entitled sons or exhausted daughters. It needs healed men who lead with humility, protect without controlling, and serve without expecting to be worshipped. It needs women who are educated, emotionally healthy, financially independent, and free to pursue their full potential. Healing is no longer optional; it is essential. If Africa is to become the continent it is destined to be, we must stop raising boys to believe they are entitled to service and start raising them to understand that true masculinity is demonstrated through responsibility, compassion, integrity, and accountability. At the same time, we must stop preparing girls merely to serve and instead prepare them to lead, innovate, create, and thrive. Only then will we begin to build balanced families, ethical leadership, healthier communities, and a stronger Africa for generations to come.
By:
Dr. Mimi Fatou Ceesay,
Journalist / Psychologist.
Marriage and Family Therapist.
References:
Gqola, P. D. (2015). Rape: A South African nightmare. MFBooks.
Mama, A. (1995). Beyond the Masks: Race, Gender and Subjectivity. Routledge.
Oyěwùmí, O. (1997). The Invention of Women: Making an African Sense of Western Gender Discourses. University of Minnesota Press.
Ratele, K. (2013). Masculinities Without Tradition. Wits University Press.
